I never understood nor could comprehend the value of that zygote, turned fetus, turned baby until I witnessed the miracle of the first heart beat. To see our baby's heart beating so fast confirmed the miracle that is life...Now, don't go thinking I'm some sort of religious person pontificating about babies ... no, I was in awe.
The awe turned into nausea as my morning sickness was 3PM sickness. I was conflicted with the desire for the life that was growing inside me, and wanting the nausea and the sudden urge to pee along with it to disappear.
I was hungry like nobodies business and my ass was expanding to the size of two basketballs. In some cultures that is attractive, in my mind, it was TERRIBLE. Not to mention my breast were the size of melons which, I didn't mind. In hindsight, I never would have gotten a boob job if I knew they would do that. LOL
I had almost all the pregnancy symptoms:
- Bloody noses
- mask of pregnancy (but officially known as chloasma or melasma).
- linea nigra (dark line running down the belly)
- frequent urination
- breast tenderness (more like all over body tenderness)
- exhaustion (sudden need to sleep ... anywhere, especially during dinner at a nice restaurant)
- food cravings (during the last trimester for me)
- swollen feet
What I didn't expect, was that I would grow to be as huge as I got. I looked as if I were about to give birth to twins. I went from 165 to 219..WHOA! I know, and, I was healthy the whole time btw. I wanted to be one of the Hollywood pregnant skinny bitches. The ones that look like they just popped on a pregnancy costume still wearing lowrise jeans and Prada highheels.
Don't get me wrong I loved being pregnant. It was hard to adjust to this new body that, could no longer fit into any of my clothes. And, I'm sorry, the maternity clothes that they have ... kinda (how do I say it nicely) suck. They didn't add flattery to my new curves, they added a sign that said, " MOVE WIDE LOAD COMING THROUGH."
The second trimester for me is when it all began to sink in. We went to the OBGYN to have the ultra sound, we cried. There she was the size of peanut with little nubs, and that tiny heart just beating away. It was beautiful.
Towards the end of the second trimester I could feel her move a little at first. It felt more like a hiccup. I waddled like a duck and wore flat shoes even with an evening gown. I found myself constantly holding my belly to let her know we were there and all was right with the world. While Yale began to plan her future education. Sheesh! She wasn't even here yet.
The third trimester, I admit I wanted her out. I wanted to reclaim my body that had been taken over by the baby now turned alien. I was also afraid that she would arrive too early. Nothing allowed me to get over the feeling that I could loose her. That fear never left all though there were moments of breath. I spent more time at the hospital during that last trimester because I thought ever pinch, prick, ache, movement was THE ONE. The receptionist knew my name.
About two weeks before her arrival I become obsessive about cleaning. "They" the experts call it nesting. I call it, GONE CRAZY AND WON'T BE BACK UNTIL AFTER THE BABY IS BORN. Seriously, I did the most massive spring cleaning ever. And, if you've had a baby then you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's not enough to mop and disinfect you have to get into corners you didn't know existed. Under the refrigerator, stove, the bed. You vacuum (if you have carpet. we had an area rug) like your life depended on it. When it fact, her/his life depended on it.
For me, the whole experience made me feel like a mother. The fear that I had in the back of my mind of possibly not knowing what to do, left. I was "Supper Mom."
Yale was going through his own transition. He was ready for Lotus because, we had been trying for a while. But, he had ideas about what kind of father he would be. "She won't be brining any boyfriends home that's for sure." he said with all seriousness. "If I could have it my way, she'd wear an Abayas until she's thirty." I was like who is the man? He was "Super Daddy" and nothing was going ever harm, his baby girl.
So, I would say the first, second, and, third trimesters are not only about the changes your body is going through while the life inside grows. It's about the changes your life, is going through. Every animal instinct kicks in and you can't control it. And believe me when I say, you may be pregnant, but, he's pregnant too. Those 9 months are exciting, scary, joyful, tearful and all at once. Your lives are about to change. And, for the first time, you can feel your heart beat outside your chest.