Lotus Marie, is our 12 month and 8 day old daughter. She lights up our world and challenges it all the time. She was a gift and miracle as for as I'm concerned. ...
Yale (my partner) and I, had been trying to conceive for months. We had three, I repeat three miscarriages and I was devastated. Yale appeared to take the whole thing in great stride, due to his ability to meditate and stay present most of the time...LOL (that's a whole nutha story)... I was a total mess. Being 38 at the time, I felt too old, like my time had passed me by, like I had spent my life chasing after relationships I tried to make work, or dreams of happily ever after that had no basis in reality. (sigh).
Having a miscarriage is the one thing I've notice, no one wants to talk about. If they do it's in private like to say it aloud to more than one person would put you on some government list as a baby making outcast. In reality, miscarriages are common and eventually one is able to conceive or venture off into other methods if that's what the universe has in store.
It was summer in London, and, I was performing in the most horrific show. It was a cross between a really bad high school production meets a slum lord. Anyway, there we were (Yale came with) on tour and I found out we were pregnant. We were overjoyed and scared. About 8 weeks into it I had a miscarriage and in the UK. I had to undergo a D/C because my body was unable to pass (term) blighted ovum. This was a terrible experience and I cried and cried thinking all hope now was lost.
The UK doctor was brilliant and assured me all would be fine. during the D/C they discovered I had 5 fibroids' and endomitriosis. OMG! WTF! were my thoughts. A week after I had surgery for that as well. The doctor said, "Well you two love birds should keep going at it. You are clear and fertile." So, like bunnies and cliche wanna be parents we went at it. I had the ovulation kit, the right positions, the meditations, prayers from Thai and Tibetan monks and African priestesses.
In July we conceived, but, would it take? For three months I was a nervous wreck. Home in the US and hooked up with an amazing OBGYN (a must btw), I was watching everything I did.
- Don't exercise too hard or too much
- No Sushi waaa waaaa
- Lots of water isn't it enough that I'm peeing like a racehorse with out it
When we reached the twelfth week I was happier than I knew what. Yale was full of pride and a didn't stop smiling. Okay truth be told, we did the happy dance. You know the one where you look so goofy you hope the neighbors don't see.
So that was the beginning of the most amazing wonder of pregnancy.